He's up and my mind and body are content. Hes here to hold me as I try and fall asleep but instead of sleeping I desperatly restle with my overheated body dying for cool air. I bought a car but it doesn't quite feel right, and other cars I drive in aren't right either. I am either a race car driver, or a country hick, or my car makes me feel older then I am. The truck I drove before was perfect, it just made me feel at home. The steering wheel cool in my hands. He tells me not to dwell on it, that it's time to move on, but he doesn't understand how difficult that is for me. I crave pizza every single day, and try to hold myself back, it's becoming more and more difficult to have restraint. The people I live with are heavy in weight, and my cousin asks in a sly voice after dinner what's for dessert, as if it should be expected. I am showered in sweets and I hold myself back, and make myself run. I care about my overall health then I do about satisfying my sweet tooth. We had the first real frost of the season, the grass was crystalized, the whole world was covered in something similar to glitter, but also similar to sugar. The trees fill the sky lines with oranges and reds, and greens on some of the trees that have yet to take on a fall apperance. There was mist rising off lake Michigan and it's green blue water, and the sun was yellow and warm. it was beautiful. Now it's just cold and rainy, and I wish my jacket felt warmer on me. But soon enough it will be to heavy and warm, and I will shed it in weather that is similar to this, and say it's a nice day out, minus the rain. I love this place, but it's time to move away and experience some things I have yet to experience, and lock them into my mind and smile. I hope this winter is full of snow, and that my winter hat still makes me feel the same. Like everything he's every dreamed of. I'll buy a sled and glid down mountains of snow, and I will buy warm gloves, and roll the snow into perfect little men, and I will smile at the world and large flakes fall down and melt on my clothes. I'm ready to take for it's resting place the gun and load it and sit in the woods and wait. I'm ready for the thrill of seeing the first animal approach my bait pile of the season. Wether it be a small bird, or a deer. These are a few things that I wait for.

He's up but leaves tommorrow, I already feel lonely. he thinks I am crabby, but I'm just a little sad.